I don’t know what to do…. Help…..

I haven’t posted in a while. Just haven’t really been keeping up, sorry to my nonexsistant readers. Haha. My boyfriend and I are watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. He’s already seen this one, and surprisingly I haven’t. I’ve seen almost every episode, or at least I thought I did. I don’t want every single post to be about how madly in love with my boyfriend I am, but it’s true. We’re talking about when he leaves for Basic Training, and Job Training and such. I have so many questions for other Marine Girlfriends or wives. How do you get by everyday for months not hearing his voice, not seeing his face, not smelling his scent? How can anyone do it? I guess I’m about to find out, huh? I want to physically meet someone who’s been there… Someone who’s ALREADY gone through it. I have a friend who’s going through it (her boyfriend went Army), but it’s not the same… She’s not like me… I can’t explain it… Lately, I’ve been trying to deal with just not seeing him for a few DAYS. When I can’t see him, I wear his clothes, and I can smell him… It may sound weird, but it’s true. I wish I could kidnap him sometimes, and keep him forever. Haha. Weird. My future Marine. Wow. Wow. Just wow. I can’t think of anything else but that. He makes me happy. I’m doing it again -_- Lol sorry nonexsistant readers. Back to what I was saying. The day he leaves, I can’t imagine it. At first I fantasized about driving him to Parris Island and dropping him off, and them calling his name and him changing his mind, and me telling him “Babe. You’ve been wanting to do this your whole life. You’re going to go in there, and go to Boot Camp, and you’re going to do a hell of a good job, and come out the best damned Marine I’ll ever see in my life; and I’ll be there right by your side. Forever. I love you” and he’d say back “I love you too, I’ll be right back.” But then I saw a Marine Corps documentary. I don’t get to drop him off anywhere, maybe the bus stop or something. He goes on a bus, so I have to wait extra hours to see him. I shouldn’t think of it like that. Do NOT get me wrong, I’m so happy. I’m happy that this amazing boy wants to be with me, I’m happy that this amazing boy who wants to be with me is reaching for and grabbing high things in life; I’m just a girl though. I can’t help but worry that he’ll leave and when he comes back he’ll change his mind about me, or the fact that he could meet some gorgeous girl out there who’s also going to be a Marine with the same MOS as him or something. I’m insecure sometimes, I can’t help it; but what I can help is right here and right now. I can love him with all my heart right now, and be there for him. I can’t imagine us not being an us for years to come. I love him with all my heart. I really hope he knows that<3 

 I’m not including a photo in this post because I’m about to write another one, kind of an ode to us for our 6 month anniversary<3 [:

… in love?

 Yes. I’m in love, and yes, I’m only 17. Do you have the right to judge me, and say that I don’t know anything about love? No, you don’t. How many 17 year olds do you know who’ll be willing to wait months and months at a time for a boy? Who can see their boyfriend leave in February, and know he’s not coming back until June, and only for 10 days, until he leaves again until October? I know many girls who claim it, but none that have actually done it. You have no right to judge me. You can, however, observe how completely, and irreversibly I’m in love though, you can even envy it; but don’t. It’ll find you one day. I’m in love with a man who just might spend more time out of the country, than with me, and I’m perfectly okay with that because not only is he serving our country, but he’s serving himself. Of course I’ll be sad from here and there, but if you knew this boy, you’d know it’d be worth it. 
 Now, enough with my rant. Blogging time[:

 It’s July 4, 2011. Independence Day. Mhm. Now, almost every 4-21 year old is thinking: Fireworks! Except for the United States Military, and those freaky historians of course (no offense to my non-existent readers). I won’t sit here and act self-righteous. Yes, Fireworks were my second main thought on tonight. My first was being with my boyfriend and watching the fireworks together, so I guess that counts as first? I don’t know. I was never good at math. I had an amazing night. We laughed, walked until our (by our I mean my) feet bled, took pictures under the fireworks, and just had an amazing night, despite our huge argument the night before. Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls… One of those girls who can just ARGUE. and ARGUE. and ARGUE with her boyfriend, or say something that’ll “get my point across”, but I can’t. I’m not that girlfriend to say shit to make him bleed, or cut down his ego, I’m the one who tries to put what I want to say into a logical sense. The only thing I’ve ever said, and felt like shit about (but felt it necessary), was “You’re acting fucking stupid. You’re just mad because I’m right”. Pardon my french. I hate cursing in arguments, and I hate being cursed at. and I hate YELLING. I can’t yell at my boyfriend. I just can’t. I love him too much? Or I’m just too scared to lose him. We’re going on 6 months, so maybe I’m just not at that “STFU You’re Stupid”, stage yet. Some women reach it earlier than others. But I’m not some women, and I don’t gaf about “some women”. I hate girls who treat their boyfriends like shit. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And I hate people who treat my boyfriend like shit. Not like people give him shit (he’s mad muscular and stuff o: ), but you know what I mean. I’m madly in love with this man. <3 

 Baby, you’re a firework. 

Photo:

 My boyfriend and I on July 4, 2011. We’re at the park watching the fireworks. Everytime an orange firework blew up, he kissed me<3
(orange is my favorite color). I love him<3

Yep. That’s all for today… No photo… No words… 

…If anyone ever tells me what that means.

 I’m sitting here with a Dixie cup of noodles, a diet lipton green ice tea, and fuzzy bathrobe and slippers. Yes, I’m pretty comfortable. Quite frankly, I’m in thinking mode. Thinking about what’s going to be happening to me, and my relationship in the next few months. I’ve been on tons of USMC WIVES websites, and blogs, and forums, just reading, researching, trying to find comfort in what I’m feeling, and trying to prepare myself for what’s coming, and how I’m going to feel, but every blog, forum, website, and even person I’ve spoken to has told me that there’s no way to prepare for how I’m going to feel. Is that so? How am I supposed to survive if I can’t even fathom the amount of pain I might feel when he leaves. He’s not even getting officially deployed yet, so… what’s going on with me… Then it’s like the military is trying to tease us girlfriends and wives. They leave us for 18 weeks or so, come back for a few DAYS, and then leave for job training for another few months… What the hell… A close mutual friend of mine and my boyfriend’s has gone Army. He leaves next week, and honestly, I feel like if his relationship falls apart with his girlfriend, that it’ll freak me out, and make me feel as if mine will fall apart as well, but at the same time, I have so much faith, and trust, and love for this man that I can’t even come to the thought of leaving him, or him leaving me for that matter. I don’t want to sound crazy or anything, but I’m just saying…I love him that much… He means everything to me… And seeing him achieve his goals, and lifelong dream means the world to me also. AND being there beside him while he achieves his lifelong dream makes me so happy. I can’t explain it… I hope there are going to be more Marine Corp wives, and girlfriends, who’ll put imput into this… Because I don’t want to go through this alone…

 P.S… I just spilled my noodles everywhere /:

 Guess I saw that coming.

Photo:

 My Future Marine and I on the way home from his High School Graduation. 
 I love you<3

there’s you and me. There’s love, and love you’re everything. 

Listening to Bruno Mars. It’s our 5 month anniversary today. We reflected on how we first met, and how we came to how we are today with his little sister. I like her. I’ve always wanted a little sister. At the moment, he’s on Black Ops with his neighbor, Roosevelt. I think that’s a funny name. I don’t know his thoughts on it, though. I miss my guitar. I haven’t bonded with it in a while now, I just get so frustrated because it’s not a good guitar. It’s a shitty (pardon my french), box guitar. I had to change the strings like 5 days after I got the damned thing. I was so scared that I was going to like BREAK my guitar, so I did exactly what you’re NOT supposed to do, by taking ALL of the strings out at the same time, which creates tension on the neck and stuff. I don’t know the mechanics of the instrument, just the fact that you’re NOT supposed to do that. It says in big ass bold letters on the back of the string package. I’m black. I don’t listen. [;

 I’ve been wanting to go to Warped Tour for the past few years now (apx. 3 now), and I’ve still never been. *Googles Lineup* …

GO RADIO’S COMING! Gahhh! Of course they are, because I can’t >_> I smell food. It smells delicious. Emanuel’s mother makes the best food like, ever. Ever. EVER!!!! Haha[: 

 fjdklsjagld <— I’m that bored and lack initiative to write anything more. Just had pulled pork and rice w| cheese. Delicious! (: He’s still on Black Ops though >_> I guess this is going to interrupt our movie time D:

 Maghhhh.

Photo:

 I thought that this time I’d put up a picture of myself haha. I was working on a song, and I decided to take a picture. And yes, that’s a Keltic Cross around my neck. ;D
 

Military

Entrance

Processing

Station

I know, he’s getting close. Am I scared? No. I’m too damn proud at the moment. It’ll probably hit me a little later. After hearing about how he did on his ASVAB, and how because of his score, he’s more likely to get his desired MOS, I’m so proud of him. The physical was the scariest part for ME. I know how picky the military is (Well, I thought I knew, until he told me he was almost disqualified for his slight stutter), scary. Picky too. It’s why I can’t enlist. When I heard I couldn’t enlist, I was kind of disappointed, but not too much, because it was just an option. Now it’s not because of me being a recipient of Open Heart Surgery. I’m so proud of him though. I’d rather be by his side, and awaiting his returns from deployments, than actually get deployed D: I know, I’m weird. Next step: Paris Island. Now, I’m not scared about the intense Physical Training they’ll put him through, he’s done most of it before with NJROTC and everything. I’m not Scared about not seeing him for 18 weeks. Nervous? Ehh, maybe a little. But by the time he leaves, I’ll be back in school, so at least I won’t be sitting around doing nothing but crying and watching Military Documentaries (I’ve taken to them lately. I think it’s going to become worse when he leaves haha). I love him, and I’m here for him through it all. I can’t wait to toast to my Marine<3

Photo:

Me & My future Marine<3